Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
