so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
