That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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