so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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