I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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