Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
