I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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