How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
