and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
3pm strippers are depressing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
