Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
