can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
