he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You left your phone here
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