Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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