Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize