seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
