HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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