she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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