apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
