Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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