i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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