Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
