Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
