I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
