my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
