um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
