think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize