and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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