Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
