Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me i tasted like america
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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