I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
