everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
