$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
