your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
