i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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