wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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