More tranny stories later!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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