those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
