Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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