remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize