I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize