Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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