marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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