What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
