I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
