remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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