listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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