Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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