im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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