That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
