Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
