Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
