accomplished twins. life is a go
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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