there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
