they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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