how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
