i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Panties = found
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
