I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
