8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
