Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
