you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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