Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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