i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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