i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
