Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
