dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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