I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
