pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
