It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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