umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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