my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
