How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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