I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
