ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
