At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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