I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
