I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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